We live in an Instagram-perfect world. Everything is curated to perfection. We see perfect homes, perfect jobs, and perfect families. Everything is cultivated to demonstrate ease. We seldom ever see the process it takes to get to those picture perfect moments– like the woman who went through three cycles of IVF to get that chubby-cheeked baby, or the debt that exists for the fixer-upper that now looks like a $2 million dollar home. It’s the up-to-date reels and “in progress” photos that are missing on our feeds.

At some point, everyone goes through the struggle. Everyone has had to move past something ugly, something harmful, something they’d rather forget. When we experience adversity, recovery seems impossible. I remember the early days of my divorce when I stayed in bed all day, watching the sun’s rays melt into shadows. There were many moments during that period when I wished I could push a button to skip time. I wanted to skip the hard parts and make the pain go away. But as I quickly learned, there is no easy way to heal. There’s no magic button or potion (or pill) that can take away the pain. Healing requires good old fashioned work.

Although everyone deals with pain differently and there are various roads to recovery, I’ve composed a short list to help jump start your journey.

1. Write Your Feelings

Whatever it is you’re moving through, you need to be able to articulate it: the problem, the anxiety, the sadness. You need to write it all out. Whether it’s a bad break up or it’s a loss of identity, you need to be able to pick apart the feelings which may be layered or convoluted. Writing out your feelings in a journal or even just on your phone can help you to process things faster because you are pinpointing the source of the worry. Writing can be cathartic. You don’t have to be the most articulate, you just have to be able to express in your own words, pouring out what is on your heart and mind. That’s always my first step in processing difficulty. 

2. Ask for Help

Once you’ve identified the issue you’re healing from, it’s time to ask for help. Having people to talk to is very important when you’re trying to heal. Maybe they can’t solve your problems, but they can be good sounding boards for problem solving. Seek out the company of good family or friends that can go on a silent walk or eat dinner with you. It’s good to resist isolation when you are at risk of depression. Being in the company of good people will bring you the strength needed to carry on.

3. Be in Nature

Surround yourself with nature. The natural world has unexplained benefits. Just breathing in fresh air, letting our hands touch the base of trees or cool waters can be transformative when we are stuck. Our bodies and minds can find realignment when we seek out nature. Try meditating or making dua in a grassy area. Nature can be healing if you engage with it!

4. Have Patience

Last, but not least, give it time. As they say, time heals all wounds. You need to put time between you and the difficult thing you’re trying to heal from. Time changes our perspective and allows for growth. But in order to allow the passage of time to work its magic, we need to have patience. Knowing that things will get better is the key to them actually getting better. InshaAllah.