The pressure to be beautiful is real. I feel this every day I scroll through Instagram and TikTok. The celebrities and influencers peddling new skincare, makeup and clothing are endless. Meanwhile, the marriage crisis continues. Not only has the unmarried numbers of Muslims been an issue that has long plagued our community, but now it’s a growing concern amongst women across the U.S. The rise in the number of unmarried single women is being commented on by mainstream media. People are panicking and searching for reasons why. While I won’t get into those reasons here, I do want to highlight the impacts of the marriage crisis. 

Women are worried that a delay in finding a partner means they won’t be able to have children due to an ever-ticking biological clock. In addition, we are left feeling less confident. Whether or not someone has low self-esteem, the marriage crisis, plus the growing pressures around beauty from social media/celebrity culture, causes young women to take drastic measures to change themselves. So often I hear people say “if I only looked a certain way I’d be married by now.” So maybe they get fillers, botox, or more serious plastic surgery. Maybe they spend hundreds or thousands on skin, makeup and clothing that they can’t afford. And for Muslim women, maybe they decide to either remove or delay putting on the hijab. 

I’m here not to criticize women for this choice, but to provide them with some points as to why making the decision to wear hijab contingent on marriage is a faulty framework. 

Here are four points to consider when making the choice about wearing hijab:

1. Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

I’m sure you have already heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That means that each person may find something or someone beautiful based on their lived experiences and unique perception. If you understand that premise, then you might believe me when I say the man you’re supposed to marry believes modesty and wearing hijab is in fact beautiful. 

A man that is looking for someone who is seriously striving to improve himself and his deen would be interested in marrying someone who is new to wearing hijab or has been wearing it for a while. It shows that you’re dedicated to growing your relationship with Allah. Hijab isn’t a hindrance for interest, but a starting point for the right man who also is focused on selecting someone for deen over anything.

And remember the famous hadith in which the Prophet SWS commented on how one should prioritize marriage candidates:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.”

2. Trends Change

Chasing trends is always a losing battle. At one point in history, it was stylish to be a voluptuous woman. If you go to any art gallery that showcases women from the Renaissance, you’ll see women with bigger bodies on display. Those women were selected as models for those sculptures and portraits because they were seen as the most beautiful. Eventually, society shifted and in the 1920’s stick thin flapper girls appeared as the thing to emulate.  

Just as opinions about what the ideal body looks like shifted, so will the conversation on coverage and modesty. So if you’re someone who is trying to stay up to date with the latest fashion and beauty trends and thinks wearing hijab or dressing modestly holds you back from this, think again. Society’s trends don’t stem from religious or moral values, so they’ll always continue changing. You’ll never be able to keep up, leaving you unfulfilled. 

3. Rewards for the Dutiful

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, and not to reveal their adornments. except what normally appears…” Quran 24:31

In several places in the Quran, Allah calls believing women to dress modestly. Although the majority of scholars have concluded that wearing a headscarf to cover one’s hair is included in Allah’s command to not “reveal their adornments,” there are some that resist as to whether or not that interpretation is correct. 

Regardless, I think it’s important to note that even if someone doesn’t believe in the ruling that hijab is mandatory for Muslim women, it’s pretty clear that dressing modestly is something Allah wants women to do. A person who is interested in getting closer to Allah will change their style of dress to appease Allah and only Allah. 

4. What’s Written is already Written

It’s important to remember that no matter what choice you make– hijab or not– your naseeb, your destiny is already written. Don’t make decisions that could jeopardize your connection with Allah in favor of a man you don’t even know. When and who you will marry is already destined, so rest assured that Allah’s got your back.