Mark your calendars and book your plane tickets because it is officially wedding season! The girls are looking at white dresses and the guys are crunching the numbers to propose the best mehrs. It’s all fun and games, but how do we get there? These days, Muslim courtships are on a wide spectrum spanning from a few weeks of talking to even a few years. Regardless of the timelines, there are a few steps that everyone should intentionally take on the way to engagement. 

1. You’ve asked the hard questions

When you’re getting to know someone it’s hard to know when to dive into the serious questions. I’m talking about the questions that allow you access to your potential spouses’ childhood, finances, religious philosophy, and goals about how to raise a family. While the timing to launch into these questions might look different for everyone, you should know that you can’t get to engagement (or it would be foolish to try) without asking and answering these personal questions. You can use Imam Magid’s 100 premarital questions to do so, or you can sign-up for premarital counseling.

2. Meet the Parents

This is an obvious one, but getting introduced to your partner’s parents means you see a future together. After all, marriage is bringing two families together. Even if you don’t get to spend copious amounts of time with the family, you should schedule several facetimes or weekends where you can study how your potential engages with their family and how the family engages with you. 

3. Your Friends Approve 

A good friend will tell you the truth. And if you introduce your good friend to your potential spouse and they give you the thumbs up for marriage, then you should move towards engagement. Why? Because a close friend will be able to assess you and your potential in a different way than your parents or siblings. They will be able to ask a different set of questions and interact with the person in a more relaxed manner. If the friend is a good judge of character, their approval will help you take the next steps.

4. The Feeling After Istikhara is Calm

Everyone’s relationship with Allah is different and that’s why I believe that there are differences in how people make decisions after they pray istikhara. Istikhara is supposed to be our way of letting Allah know we put our affairs in His SWT’s hands. Some people say they see signs in their dreams. Others say they get a very clear answer because things fall apart. For me, istikhara usually brings a calming energy over me. I think if a person makes consistent istikhara about their decision, then they will end up feeling confident that they did everything to make the best decision. So if you feel a calmness or a certainty after asking for Allah’s guidance, then you should consider moving forward with an engagement. 

See you at the nikkah! ;)