In the world of modern dating and courtship, mixed signals are everywhere. Whether you meet your prospective spouse online or in the real world, being able to decipher a man’s coded language is key to achieving the ultimate goal: marriage. Unfortunately, men are not machines and we can’t always enter a simple code to find out what they’re thinking or whether they’re actually interested in something real. But there are tell-tale signs that provide you with clues. Books and movies (including one titled “He’s Just Not That Into You”) all give varying degrees of the same warning signs that help women know when it’s time to move on. In this blog, I will share four ways to tell that he’s not that into you. 

1. He Leaves You on Read

There’s a difference between being a slow texter and someone who purposely delays responding to messages. A slow texter checks their messages at regular intervals and apologies when there’s an unusual delay. A slow texter will not leave you hanging in the middle of a conversation without letting you know they’re going to start their work day, or put their phone on Do Not Disturb. But someone who purposely avoids responding, leaves you “on read” or simply goes hours or even days without communicating with you by phone, text, or DM is simply not interested in you. It doesn’t matter if he’s an ER doc or an astronaut. No one and I mean NO ONE is too busy to reply to a text. If he’s into you, he’ll be rushing to his phone to respond to your messages. 

Now, I’m not saying he needs to be on the phone with you all day (he should be working!), but should respond in a timely manner if he’s interested. Communication is an important factor in any relationship and an interested man will figure out how to pick up the phone and communicate with you.

2. The Conversation is Superficial

Does he get deep in conversation with you? When you’re talking do things stay surface level? When I say surface level or superficial, I mean the conversation mainly involves discussion about your work day or whatever scandal is floating around online. Maybe you’ll chat about pop culture— your favorite bands or television shows. While it’s great to be able to have casual conversation with the person you want to spend forever with, at some point you’ll want to dig deep and talk about your hopes, dreams and disappointments. You don’t need to tell all your darkest secrets, but usually someone who is interested in a real relationship wants to go deeper. 

3. No Plans

A man who is interested in getting to know you, will make plans. He’ll make plans to call you when he’s off work. He’ll make plans to take you out to dinner. He will even make plans (including booking tickets) to visit you from across the country. If he’s interested, there will be very little that will stop him from making it happen. You won’t have to hint at making plans or initiate them yourself because an interested man will be eager to fill up your calendar. 

4. Lack of Family Involvement 

I think a man who is really interested in you will also be interested in getting to know your family. The man who wants to marry you understands that marriage is the joining of two families. He will want his parents' approval of you, and he’ll want your parents to approve of him. You don’t have to introduce the parents at the very beginning of your relationship, but there should be some indication of when they would get involved. 

Maybe you don’t live in the same state as your parents, or maybe you don’t think they’ll agree with your choice of a spouse, but that’s all the more reason to involve them early on. The younger you are, the more important it is to involve your family from the start because their experience and wisdom will help you see any potential red flags.