Getting to know someone for the first time requires more than just casual conversation—it demands careful observation. I use the term "stalking" here not in the negative sense, but as a way to describe the quiet, intentional process of watching and understanding someone from a distance before you invest any real time or energy. In this piece, I want to discuss the most effective ways to assess someone before actually getting to know them, ensuring that you don’t waste your time on a connection that may not align with your values or goals.

One of the easiest—and most revealing—ways to gauge if someone aligns with you is by observing the people they choose to surround themselves with. As we grow, we naturally seek out relationships with people who reflect or challenge our values in some way. If the person you're interested in surrounds themselves with people whose traits, values, and behaviors don’t resonate with you, there’s a high likelihood that the person you're interested in will have similar qualities. We tend to gravitate toward others who mirror our own characteristics, or at least, those who push us toward growth. If their friends exhibit negative behaviors—like rudeness, dishonesty, or backbiting—there’s a strong chance these traits will influence your person too. On the other hand, if they’ve outgrown those people, that speaks volumes about their capacity to recognize toxic traits and evolve. The company they keep will give you a good indication of the kind of person they are, even before you get to know them on a deeper level.

Another critical aspect to observe is how they carry themselves in public. Are they loud and attention-seeking? Do they lower their gaze out of respect? Are they comfortable in mixed settings, or do they avoid them? How someone behaves in public can reveal a lot about their character and whether they align with the person you want to be. It's important to ask yourself if you could be proud to be seen with them in various social situations. Keep in mind that, when assessing someone, you should trust your inner circle—your “sisterhood” more than randomized opinions. Just as brothers have each other’s backs, sisters tend to have a clearer sense of the kind of information you may be seeking, and can offer more grounded advice.

Social media can also provide a quieter but often revealing lens into someone's character. Observing how they present themselves online can answer questions you may not have thought to ask. Do they lower their gaze on social media, or do they openly like and comment on other women’s posts? Who do they follow? These seemingly small actions often expose larger patterns of behavior or values that might be important for you to consider. Social media is, after all, a public reflection of one’s inner desires and priorities, so pay attention to how their online presence aligns with the person you hope to build a future with.

I want to emphasize that in today’s fast-paced and sometimes superficial world, we often rush into getting to know people without pausing to ask the right questions or take the time to observe. It’s essential to do your due diligence from a distance before making any deeper commitments. Taking the time to watch, listen, and ask the right questions—not just to the person in question, but to your trusted circle—will save you both time and heartache. Moving thoughtfully and at your own pace is never a problem; it’s a sign of wisdom and self-respect. So, take your time, observe, and trust your instincts before jumping in too deep.