If you’re a reality t.v. fan, you may have watched Love Is Blind-UK edition last fall with great interest. It was an entertaining mess which concluded in very few couples making it down the aisle. One couple however, not only shocked viewers with their broken engagement, but started an online frenzy about gender roles when it comes to finances. In the show, Maria Benkh, a British Moroccan woman, tells her fiance that she expected him to be the financial provider. It wasn’t until after her fiance, a British man (and not Muslim), ended their engagement that we learned how much he hated that philosophy. He believed in an equal split between husband and wife. Although the show didn’t delve into their misalignment of values, we as Muslims understand where Maria’s values come from: Islam.  

 In the West, finances between two cohabiting or married couples, is often done “50/50.” This financial philosophy means each person in the relationship must commit to contributing equally to the household expenses. That means the rent or mortgage, health insurance, electric, water, food and potentially car expenses are all split evenly. Though financial experts have other ideas about how married couples should manage their finances, it’s still a topic of debate amongst couples under fifty. Should we get joint bank accounts? If you’re making more money than me, should you pay more for rent? Maybe we should do an even split, but keep separate accounts? And the list goes on. 

There are so many considerations, so many philosophies, and with the economy always one inch away from spontaneous combustion, sorting out who pays what is a major concern. Luckily, for those that follow the shariah, Islamic laws and principles, there is clarity on this matter. 

In Islam, men and women have different roles and responsibilities. A husband has the financial responsibility to care for his wife. 

“Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially.” (Qur’an 4:34)

A husband is required to provide nafaqah (financial maintenance) during the marriage. This means he must pay for his wife’s necessities like housing, food, clothing and medical care. And of course, at the start of the marriage he must provide her with mehr, a dowry, which is not just intended as a gift for savings, but can be used as money for her to care for herself beyond the necessities covered under the nafaqah. If a husband doesn’t provide for his wife, it could be grounds for divorce, and a Shaykh should be consulted to mediate the matter. 

So that should end the debate once and for all, right? Muslim couples should never argue about who should pay what, right? Unfortunately, things get complicated because inflation is real, most people need a two income household to raise a family, and a majority of women today enjoy working outside the home. More women are voluntarily giving their income to meet household demands, and with that can come problems, especially if there is a divorce. 

In order to ensure that you’re entering a marriage on fair financial terms, you should do the following:

Know Your Rights:

You should learn what your Islamic rights are and how those intersect with your legal rights. Make sure you consult with a Shaykh who can give you the breakdown on what types of expenses you’re entitled to be paid for by your husband. A Shaykh can also advise you on what to ask for in terms of a mehr based on your fiance’s finances. 

Set Expectations:

Once you understand your rights, you need to have the conversation with your fiance to set the expectations. Write everything down on paper as to what you both will pay for once you’re married. Make sure to create specific budgeting documents and even consider writing up a prenup because in the event of a divorce, finances are the first thing people argue over. If you’re reading this and are already married, get a shaykh involved to mediate and correct. 

Have Your Own Money:

No matter what, you should have your own pool of money. Whether that’s your mehr money, or income from your job, you should have a separate bank account set aside where your husband doesn’t have access to it. Even though he is required to spend his money on you, you are not required to spend your money on him. So be smart and keep some things separate. 

And above all, please do not agree to 50/50. Consult a Shaykh with Islamic knowledge and check out Rabab Razik’s book, “The Wealth of Women,” to learn more about Islam and finances for women.