If you’re a twenty-something or thirty-something Muslim woman I can bet you the most frequently asked question in your friend-circle is: why is it so hard to get married? It’s a question that young Muslims, both men and women, are asking of their local imams, parents and friends. It’s the hot topic at most Islamic conventions and even in the bubbles of MSAs on college campuses.

While I have a unique perspective on what’s been called the “marriage crisis” (check out my photo series The Isms Project ), let’s review some other, more obvious factors as to why it’s hard to find a good eligible Muslim bachelor for marriage. 

The Means & Methods are Tricky

Although we live in the social media and dating app era, finding love as Muslims is not easy. Flipping through hundreds of faces on the apps, then navigating awkward conversation starters only to realize days or weeks later that the person isn’t serious about marriage is very draining. Unlike our non-Muslim comrades that have the opportunity to date casually or meet through everyday interactions at work, Muslims have a much harder time connecting with a prospective spouse that meets our religious, cultural and emotional needs. The alternative of waiting for your parents to find the perfect match can also be frustrating especially when you realize they’re operating with a completely different set of criteria. 

If you’re anything like me and my friends, you might have tried hopping off the apps and looking for eligible Muslim bachelors in real life. You would think a good opportunity would be at  Islamic conventions where matrimonial workshops facilitate speed dating or singles meet & greets. But the problem with those events is that there are oodles of women beautifully dressed and ready to “get chose,” but ZERO (or at least very few) men who are showing up to do the same. This skewed ratio of eligible women to men is a phenomenon that occurs across the country (and even abroad). But why?

After years of speaking to men and women about this subject I’ve come to learn that Muslim men either are too shy to put themselves in spaces where they have to make the first move, or they are looking for more “organic” ways to find love. So how’s a girl supposed to find the one with these factors at play? 

Have you tried matchmaking?

While I believe that the next iteration of Muslim matrimonial apps will most likely include an A.I component that will solve all the glitches that come with online dating, for now we must make due with what we have. And if you’re tired of the apps, the singles events at the mosque and your parents’ attempts at a set-up, why not try matchmaking? While there are up and coming formal matchmaking websites like In Pairs that connect you with your own personal matchmaker, I think it’s important for everyone to tap into their own circles and become matchmakers themselves.

Now, I’m not suggesting you make a website and start calling yourself the OG Matchmaker. I’m saying that you should begin with informal matchmaking by which you help those around you get connected to potential good fits, and if they’re good friends they will do the same for you in return.

I have found that men are more likely to take their family member or close friend’s recommendation of a prospective spouse than they are to engage in a long conversation with someone online. The reason they may be more likely to engage in this informal matchmaking process is because of the feeling of safety that comes with getting introduced through someone who they already have an established relationship with. Whether it’s their imam, friend, or cousin, they feel more assured that the person has their best interest in mind and therefore will think more seriously about the connect.

So if you’re bold and brave enough, open up your list of followers on IG and start thinking about who you can attempt to matchmake. And when people see that you are invested in making others’ happily-ever-afters come true, they will open their hearts and minds up to assist you. 

Last, but not least, don’t forget to pray for your single friends. Because when you say ameen to the duas for others, the angels respond with ameen to answer the same prayer for you too.