Marriage has become a trending topic in the Muslim community, particularly the pressure to marry young. This idea often foregoes the completion of one’s education, finding a stable income, or even fully maturing as an individual. In a world where social media has become intertwined with our daily lives, it constantly reinforces the idea of a "perfect" marriage. The curated moments of happiness, love, and companionship presented online can make it easy to get lost in an idealized version of marriage, which often leads to individuals seeking to marry before they are truly ready.

The modern narrative that marriage is easy, romantic, and requires minimal effort is misleading. The truth is that marriage is a lifelong commitment that demands work, patience, and sacrifice. It is okay to wait until you are financially stable, mentally prepared, and emotionally mature before getting married. It is also okay to prioritize personal growth before committing to sharing your life with someone else. Understanding your own values, boundaries, and dealbreakers is crucial in helping you form a stronger, more compatible partnership. 

It's important to recognize that what we see online is merely a fraction of someone’s reality. Social media displays only the highlights of a marriage—the celebrations, the romantic gestures, the adventures shared with a partner. However, it rarely, if ever, portrays the challenges that couples face. The key idea is to first embrace and love who you are, feeling confident in yourself and your responsibilities, before opening your heart to love someone else.

Marriage is a beautiful and fulfilling journey when both individuals have done their due diligence and are prepared for the responsibilities it entails. This article is not meant to discourage those who are ready, but to remind others of the importance of self-awareness and preparation before venturing on such a significant commitment. If you’ve taken the time to truly know yourself, asked the important questions, and feel confident in your personal growth and readiness, then by all means, begin your journey with your naseeb!

Idealizing Marriage Without Preparation

One of the most dangerous consequences of this idealization is that many young Muslims rush into marriage without considering the responsibilities that come with it. The expectation that love alone will sustain a marriage is a common misconception. A successful marriage is built on much more than love—it requires financial stability, emotional maturity, and the readiness to take on the responsibilities of caring for another person. 

When one enters marriage before being ready, it can create a multitude of challenges that not only strain the individual but also jeopardize the marriage as a whole. The woman is responsible for her husband’s care and emotional well-being, while the man is responsible for providing for his wife. Significant obligations become increasingly difficult to manage if one has not yet matured or discovered their own likes, dislikes, and boundaries. Choosing to focus on yourself and not marry does not mean you are falling behind. Everyone’s journey is unique: there is no set timeline besides the one Allah SWT has gracefully laid out for you. 

The Importance of Honest Conversations Before Marriage

Another crucial aspect of marriage that is often overlooked is the need for deep and honest conversations before making such a significant commitment. Many young couples can be blinded by infatuation, leading to the failure to discuss their fundamental differences. These differences, no matter how small they may seem initially, have a way of resurfacing later in the marriage, potentially leading to unresolved conflicts.

Avoiding uncomfortable but necessary conversations before marriage can set couples up for failure. Topics such as personal boundaries, religious practices, and future plans should be addressed openly. It is equally vital to have a clear understanding of your values, priorities, goals, and those of your future partner. By staying true to your values, you establish personal standards that help guide you in choosing a partner who aligns with and respects those principles. 

This mutual understanding ensures that both individuals are on the same page, fostering a relationship built on shared values and mutual respect. It’s important to remember that a healthy marriage is built on compromise, and understanding each other's dealbreakers is crucial for navigating the inevitable challenges that arise. Every couple will face obstacles throughout their marriage, and overcoming them requires continuous growth. Often, this personal growth—discovering your own boundaries, dealbreakers, likes, and dislikes—comes with time and self-reflection. These are vital steps each person must take individually before they can truly thrive as a partner in a marriage.

The Social Media Trap

Social media plays a significant role in the romanticization of marriage, particularly by those who showcase only the good parts of their lives. These videos display marriages as perfect and seamless, which leads many to believe that marriage is a solution to most if not all of their problems. However, what is often hidden is the amount of hard work and dedication that goes into making a marriage successful. These couples work tirelessly to maintain their relationships while balancing the demands of life, whether it’s a 9-to-5 job, education, or other commitments. The glamor of marriage displayed online rarely reflects the emphasis, sacrifices, and struggles that happen behind the scenes.

A better understanding of the realistic side of marriage ensures that both individuals are on the same page, fostering a relationship built on shared values and mutual respect. It’s important to remember that a healthy marriage is built on compromise, and understanding your dealbreakers is crucial for someone looking to get married. Often, this discovery–learning your own boundaries, likes, and dislikes–comes with time and self-reflection. These are vital steps each person must take individually before thriving in a marriage.

The Purpose of Marriage

Marriage, at its core, is a partnership meant to bring two people closer to Allah (SWT). It is not about simply being with your spouse but building a foundation supporting spiritual growth and personal development. Marriage should be viewed as an opportunity for mutual growth, where both individuals guide and support each other toward becoming better Muslims and better people.

Marriage is only a part of our deen, not the entirety of it. Equally, if not more essential, is who we are as individuals and how we engage with the world around us. Before committing to someone else, we need to invest time in refining our character and strengthening our relationship with Allah (SWT), as the main purpose of marriage is to engage in a partnership that allows both you and your spouse to grow closer to Allah (SWT). Cultivating a deep sense of spirituality, purpose, and self-discipline is vital for navigating both personal and marital life. The stronger we are in our personal development and faith, the better equipped we’ll be to fulfill the responsibilities of marriage, not just in companionship, but in guiding each other toward the pleasure of our deen. 

The Need for Personal Growth Before Marriage

The scientific notion that the brain doesn't fully develop until one's late 20s is a relevant consideration when discussing marriage, especially for young Muslims. Who you are at 21 is likely very different from who you will be at 26, both in terms of maturity and self-awareness. Now, I am not saying it’s a bad idea to get married young, but rather that it’s vital to spend time learning who you are as a person, how you respond to challenges, and what you want out of life before committing to someone else, so that you can see yourself growing with an entirety different person traits and differing habits. While growing together as a couple is certainly possible, having a strong sense of self and understanding your personal values will only strengthen your future marriage.

Marriage is a beautiful and significant part of life, but it’s essential not to romanticize it to the point of overlooking the challenges it presents. This article is not meant to discourage anyone from pursuing marriage but rather to encourage informed, thoughtful preparation. Marriage is a lifelong journey, one that requires continuous growth, responsibility, and faith. Taking the time to develop personally and spiritually ensures that, when the time is right, you’ll be ready for the joys and challenges that marriage brings.