The power of female friendships: the importance of cultivating female friendships (even after you marry).

Jane Austen, one of the greatest literary minds of the nineteenth century said “Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.” Her statement about how a safe, loving and secure friendship can help soothe the wounds that come from a broken heart resonates deeply with me. During my many failed courtships and more recently my divorce, I have re-learned how important it is to have good friends in your company. 

So just in case you’ve forgotten, here are three reasons to continue growing your friend circle even after you get married. 

1. We Need that Feminine Energy:

Friendship has long been a key part of the fabric of female society. Over the course of centuries, in history books, literature and even in the Islamic canon, we see the importance of female friendships in stabilizing and improving the lives of women. As children, our friendships with our BFFs consist of doing makeup tutorials, slumber parties, and talking about boys. 

But when you get married, your husband might become your “best friend.” After all, that’s the person you share most waking hours and your most intimate thoughts with. The one thing no one tells you before marriage is that having a male best friend is completely different than having a female best friend. Why? Women just know women better. We have the same body parts, and even our brains operate in a manner that some (or most) men just don’t understand. So it’s important to maintain and cultivate new female friendships even after marriage.

2. Motherhood Bonds Us Together:

Over the last few years, I’ve watched my close friends enter into the folds of motherhood. It’s not an easy transition on the mind, body, and soul.  When you live a life of independence and you take on the responsibility of caring and sustaining another life, you are going to need help. For this reason, it’s important to have a strong group of friends that will support you during that important transition. 

And if you don’t have bosom buddies before giving birth, you will find them after if you look with intention. There are so many online and in-person mom play and support groups because women know that it takes a village to raise a child, and having a strong circle of friends (particularly mom-friends), will help you survive the highs and lows of motherhood.

3. Friends Help You Grow:

As we age, not only do our taste buds and spending preferences change, but sometimes our friend groups as well. And that’s okay! It’s important to realize that not everyone you were friends with in college will stick with you as you go from one decade to the next. 

As a thirty-something, I’ve learned two things about friendships: First, that people come in and out of your life for a reason and when they go, you should let them. And second, that you’re never too old or too busy to make new friends. 

Why? Because growing our circles, interacting with people from different walks of life, with diverse backgrounds and life experiences, enhances our own lives. It’s important to meet new friends so that you continue to grow and develop and don’t get stuck in an echo chamber of similar thoughts and opinions. Meeting new friends might inspire you to go outside your comfort zone and do things that you might not have otherwise. 

In conclusion, regardless of what age and stage you are in life, having female friends will forever be a positive force in your life. It’s important to uphold good friendships and let go of ones that aren’t working. Don’t get stuck ever thinking that you have enough friends because you can never have enough seeds that can lead to new flowers in your garden of life.