There’s one characteristic that every woman looks for when she’s searching for her dream man. You might think it has something to do with a stable income, a good job, or a fat paycheck, but that’s all secondary to one critical thing: height. A woman wants a tall man. Need proof? Right now, the most popular song trending on Tik Tok is titled, Man in Finance. In the song, a woman (mockingly I might add) says she’s looking for a man in finance, with a trust fund, who is 6’5” and has blue eyes. Need I say more?

But why? Why are women so obsessed with height? 

I took to the internet to answer this question and found a GQ article authored by a petite woman who could relate to the request for a tall king. That author said that women like tall men in the same way that some men like women with larger chests or bottoms. She said her tall friends need someone they can essentially wear heels with and still feel at the same level, while her short friends want a man that will exude feelings of being her protector. I also found a WikiHow page which included theories about why women like tall men including that women like to feel protected and safe, are influenced (brainwashed) by pop culture which idealizes tall men and that tall men are just more masculine and usually more athletic which equals more attraction.

In my own experience as someone who has interviewed and spoken to Muslim women about their husband hunt for the last several years, I can personally attest to this desire for a tall man. Women that are literally 5’3 are out here asking for a tollboi who is no less than 6’2. To me that’s wild. How can you want something you don’t have yourself? 

While I personally cannot relate to this demand for a tall man, I would never tell a woman she shouldn’t look for one or even that she’s too picky if that’s on her criteria list. Why? Because if you ask a man his list of wants for a prospective bride, the expectations are HIGH. Maybe he won’t admit to having a long list, but if you give him five eligible women, he might select zero to speak with. The reason for this is that the men in our community have high (and usually unreasonable) expectations. They are given a free pass to “want what they want,” even if that means staying single until their late thirties. If we are accepting this as the status quo for Muslim men, then I believe it’s okay for women to also “want what they want.”

Although society’s beauty standards and trends will always be in flux, we as Muslims have Islam to fall back on. There’s this famous hadith that gives us a fuzzy rubric of what to look for in a spouse:

 A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be losers. (Sahih Bukhari 5090).

This hadith has been extrapolated to apply to the search for a husband too. While this hadith instructs us to use things like beauty, wealth, and family lineage as factors in our selection, it says that the most important trait to judge is a person’s religion, i.e. look for a person who prioritizes Islam in their daily life. The emphasis on religion, which includes someone’s character, is most valuable when seeking a spouse. 

So often we overlook good prospects because their outward appearance or their material possessions do not fit the image of what we want. But just like any good book, a human being, a potential spouse, should not be judged based on the outside appearance. One’s looks are seldomly indicative of the state of a person’s heart and soul. 

With that in mind, why not follow Prophetic guidance and de-prioritize height? If Islam encourages us to focus on aspects of a person’s soul that have nothing to do with the dunya, maybe we should also rewrite our lists? Maybe we could look for someone whose values reflect our own. Maybe the man of your dreams isn’t in finance. Maybe he’s a pharmacist. Maybe he doesn’t have a trust fund, but he’s got enough savings to take you to umrah for your honeymoon. And maybe just maybe he’s a short king with a really great smile and good heart. Won’t you give a short king a chance?