We’ve all seen it happen. Timmy turns into Mohammad, or Allie becomes Aisha. With just a few short sentences uttered, non-Muslims can become Muslims. But how? How did the All-American boy find Islam? How did that girl who loved Bible Study and Christmas mass become Muslim? Simple. One word made up of four little letters: L-O-V-E.
Love is one of those powerful drugs that convince people to do things they normally wouldn’t do. Sometimes when a person accidentally (or intentionally) falls in love, they are so devoted to their loved one that they’re willing to do anything like discard or take on a new religion. In the Muslim community particularly, I’ve noticed that one of the most common pathways to our religion is through love (or sometimes just lust). And in this era of the marriage crisis, when finding a compatible Muslim spouse is really really hard, I’m wondering if marrying a convert is the pathway some people are taking to find halal love?
If you’re in a place in life where you have someone that you think might be marriage potential, but they’re not Muslim, you should consider the following points before you dive head first into trying to get them to convert for love.
First, don’t do anything you would be ashamed to tell your kids one day. Oftentimes when people end up in these positions where they need their beloved to convert in order to marry them, they’ve done some things that wouldn’t be considered halal. I’m talking about going out on solo dates, getting physical or becoming bosom buddies (e.g. telling the person their deepest or darkest secrets leading to a deep connection). In Islam, there are specific boundaries set between men and women that we are not supposed to cross. These “rules” are set not to control our every move, but to protect our hearts. In order for a romantic relationship to have barakah, blessing, it must have good, pure origins. Be mindful of how you enter a relationship so you can have a good ending.
The most successful conversion-love stories I’ve heard happened when there was an inquiry. The non-Muslim was really interested in learning about Islam, and the other person simply gave them dawah, to teach them about the deen. It’s totally okay to have a crush, and then discover early on that that person has an interest in learning more about Ramadan, or wants a copy of the Quran to read for fun. It’s a beautiful thing to engage in those types of conversations wanting to connect over the religion. Just make sure to clear your intention. Are you connecting with them hoping they’ll fall in love with you, or do you just want to share your love of Islam? I think having dual intentions is okay, but if one happens and not the other, will you be hurt? Never go into a relationship with someone hoping they will first fall in love with you and THEN fall in love with Allah. It might happen, but if it doesn’t you risk marrying outside the religion and that’s a big no-no.
I’ve stumbled upon a few friends whose husbands “converted.” They married men who weren’t ever really practicing any type of religion, so when it came time to marry, they agreed to utter a few words, give up alcohol (while the parentals are around), and agree to “do Ramadan.” They would do the things, but never feel it in their hearts because they converted for love, not for God.
Although it’s true that only Allah knows the man’s real intentions, the woman should be cautious and consider all outcomes. If he converts for you, will he stay Muslim? If he doesn’t stay Muslim will that crush you? Will you be able to raise children with someone who doesn’t practice the deen? Will you even be able to stay married that way? These are all questions you must confront before getting into a flirt to convert situationship.
No matter what you do, remember Allah is always watching. At the end of the day, it’s Allah SWT’s love that you must earn, not that of any human being.
1 comment
This is a beautiful piece! Something that is not spoken of.