One of the great female writers of the twentieth century, Virginia Wolf, wrote an essay titled “A Room of One’s Own,” in which she argues that female writers must have space (both literally and figuratively) to write. Although her main message was intended for writers, her philosophy can be extended to all women today– especially Muslim women. 

Today’s Gen Z and Millennial Muslim women are stuck navigating between cultural traditions and new age revelations. Oftentimes, culture and tradition say a woman shouldn’t move out of her family’s home until she gets married. The young women of today begrudgingly returned home after college thinking they would soon leave after getting marriage proposals. But for some, the proposals (at least the good ones) never came. Now, in their late twenties and thirties, they’re frustrated by their parents’ curfews and other restrictions. When thinking about ways to assert their independence and womanhood, they are left with option a) move out and potentially deal with loneliness and high rent, or option b) get random roommates which they may or may not get along with. With both options comes serious parental pushback leaving many to feel helpless and stuck.

After law school, I had to deal with my own version of concerns. Though I wanted the comfort of living with my family, I couldn’t deal with the inconveniences that came with it. I wanted to be able to run my own home. I wanted full charge of the kitchen, and to make all the decisions about where the furniture went. I had a desire to paint walls and hang up photos. I wanted to make my own space, a home not just a room of my own where my creativity could come into full form be it early in the morning or late into the night. I was too nervous to get roommates at the time, so I saved up my pennies and got a studio all on my own. It was one of the most nerve wracking and best decisions I ever made. And it was a decision that allowed me to feel like I was moving forward in my life even though I didn’t have a husband yet. 

As observant Muslim women, so much of our lives seem to begin when we meet our husband. With marriage comes full discovery of our sexual selves. We are finally able to prepare to become mothers, to engage in domestic activities like cooking for a family, and pleasing in-laws. There’s a lot of womanhood that comes from the role of wife. And yet, the one thing we can do without a husband is have our own spaces, create our own homes.  

Living on one’s own isn’t for everyone, and in these uncertain economic times, it might not be practical for you. But if you search for the right roommates and wait for the right opportunity, you can have a home of your own where you can gain just a bit more of the autonomy you’ve been waiting your whole life for.